Feeling less resilient lately? You’re not alone
I’ve been thinking about emotional resilience quite a lot over the last few weeks. The kind that helps us handle the pressures of life without snapping, numbing, or spiralling.
I’ve noticed my ability to adapt, to both the pace of the world and the personal stuff life throws at me, doesn’t feel as strong as it used to. There’s definitely been a bit more spiralling than I’d like to admit!
I feel like I used to be able to handle stressful situations so much better than I do now. When I was around 38, I had a huge year: three kids under six, the youngest still a baby. I had surgery (including a short hospital stay and six weeks of no lifting), my husband and I got married (I planned the whole thing), we threw a massive wedding / 50th (for my husband) / leaving party combo… and then I packed up our life in London and we moved to Sydney.
Honestly, when I look back, I have no idea how I did it, although I’m sure I was stressed at the time! But now the thought of doing all that would send me into a complete spiral.
Which made me wonder:
Is life just harder now?
Or, as we age, do we just have less capacity to deal with it?
I think the answer is probably a bit of both.
Why emotional resilience gets harder in midlife
We’ve been carrying a lot, for a long time.
Midlife doesn’t arrive in a vacuum. By now, we’ve been navigating years of responsibilities, caregiving, emotional labour, career demands, and invisible stress. Even when we keep going, our nervous systems hold the weight of what we've pushed through. Sometimes it’s not that we’re suddenly less resilient, it’s that we’re totally exhausted!
Hormonal shifts affect our stress response.
As our estrogen and progesterone decline, so does their calming effect on the brain. We can become more anxious, more reactive, and less able to bounce back.
We’re running on less.
Less sleep (thank you hormones!), less rest, and no real time to catch your breath. Midlife isn’t quiet, it’s full-on.
We’re asking bigger questions.
Who am I now? What do I actually want? What’s next? These are powerful questions that many of us start asking as we move through midlife. But while they can lead to deep insight, they also tend to shake the ground a little.
So, what can help?
While there’s no magic switch, there are simple, powerful ways to support yourself through it.
Pause and reset.
Take intentional moments in your day to stop. Breathe. Walk without your phone. Let your system settle.
Treat resilience like a muscle.
You don’t have to be perfect. Just keep showing up with honesty and care.
Talk to someone.
So many women feel this way. You’re not broken, and you’re definitely not alone.
Support your mind.
HRT can be incredibly helpful when your emotions feel like they’re running the show. For some, other pharmaceuticals might be worth considering during particularly tough times. It’s worth talking to a trusted healthcare provider to go through the options, as emotional resilience is a mix of mindset and physiology, and support can come in many forms.
Support your body.
Sleep, nourishment, movement, boundaries, they matter more than ever in midlife. When your body is depleted, everything else feels harder.
Be kind to yourself.
That mean girl voice that says “Why can’t I cope?” - try and soften it. Comparing your pain/life issues to others often leads to shame. And shame shuts down resilience. You can honour your experience without needing it to be the “worst.” That’s where real strength begins.
A small action for today
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, take five minutes or more to step away from the noise. Do nothing. Let your body and mind remember calm.
This isn’t about going back to who we were. It’s about learning how to be who we are now with strength, softness, and self-trust.