When My Daughter Changed My Netflix Icon to a Glass of Red Wine…and other unexpected wake-up calls.

A few years ago, I opened Netflix to find that my daughter had changed the profile icon for each member of our family. Hers and my husbands were cute fluffy animals.… and mine?

A large glass of red wine.

I laughed at first. Then I didn’t.

Something about seeing myself reduced to that image, a drink, made me feel very sad. She wasn’t wrong. Wine was a big part of my life. But seeing it reflected back like that by my 11-year-old daughter? It was confronting. And it stuck with me.

I Honestly Thought I’d Never Be Able to Stop

There was a time when I thought I’d literally rather die than give up drinking (and that is no joke). It wasn’t just a habit; it was woven into my identity. I came from a big drinking family. All our events revolved around alcohol - holidays, celebrations, even weeknights. My dad, by any definition, was a functioning alcoholic. He drank daily but his health never seemed to suffer from it. He had, as we used to joke, a “strong liver.”

But eventually, I think the alcohol got him. He died of squamous cell carcinoma, a form of skin cancer. At the time, we were surprised that skin cancer was what ultimately took him. But after his death, I learned that excessive alcohol use is associated with increased risk of that very cancer.

It made me reflect. Drinking had always been normal to me. Too normal.

It Wasn’t Rock Bottom But My Body Started Saying No

In my 40s, things started to shift. I wasn’t drinking during the week, but weekends were all about long lunches and dinners – I was definitely what you’d call a binge drinker. Socialising revolved around wine. I moved countries and fell into a vibrant but heavy drinking social life.

My body started pushing back. I was diagnosed with reflux. Then a stomach ulcer, which eventually had to be stapled. I had no idea I was also in perimenopause and anxiety was creeping up on me. And alcohol, which used to soothe me in the moment, was making it worse in the long run.

Eventually, I started to see that wine wasn’t just about fun. I was using it to buffer against boredom, restlessness, a lack of direction. I wanted more from my life but alcohol was dulling my thoughts/ideas about what that might look like.

I Didn't Quit Forever. I Just Took a Break.

I didn’t set out to stop drinking forever. I saw a naturopath to deal with my gut health issues. I did a microbiome test and was diagnosed with SIBO. She put me on a strict three-month detox: no alcohol, sugar, or gluten.

It was hard. But I felt so much better.

My anxiety dropped noticeably. My skin cleared up. My digestion improved. I wasn’t suddenly floating through life on a cloud, but I wasn’t waking up with anxiety or terrible heartburn either.

That was two years ago. I haven’t had a drink since.

What’s Changed

People often ask if I miss it. Truthfully? Not really.

There have been moments, especially the first Christmas without that pre-lunch glass of Champagne, or a toast to see in the New Year, where I’ve found it particularly hard. But once you move through those “firsts,” it gets easier. I even managed 5 days at Glastonbury without it, which I think is a miracle. If you can do that, you’ve got it sorted!

What surprised me was how much people volunteer information about their own drinking when they find out I don’t drink.

“Oh, I only drink on weekends”, or “I don’t drink at home”.

I never ask. But I get it. We’ve all had to reckon with how much drinking is embedded in our culture and our identity.

Friendships have shifted. Some have fallen away, particularly the ones built on booze-fuelled connection. But in truth, many of those weren’t the healthiest relationships to begin with. And no, I haven’t become boring (well, I don’t think I have!). I still dance at parties. I still have fun. I just don’t tend to be the last to leave anymore. And I don’t wake up racked with anxiety wondering if I’ve said anything I shouldn’t have!

I’m Not Saying “Never Again”

I don’t call myself sober. I don’t count the days. I’m not dogmatic about it. But, each year on 28th July, my friend’s birthday and the last night I drank alcohol, I remember that that is my anniversary.

I don’t know if I’ll never drink again. If I spend my final days in an aged care residence, then maybe I might enjoy a sherry during ‘happy hour’! Maybe. Maybe not. But right now? Not drinking works for me. And I’m proud of that.

Regret… and a Little Hope

If I have one regret, it’s that I didn’t do this sooner. I wonder if I could have been a calmer, more present mother when my kids were younger. I wonder how many anxious mornings and foggy Sundays I might have traded for connection or clarity.

But I also hope that maybe I’m breaking a cycle. That my daughter won’t see alcohol as the centre of celebration, the answer to stress, or just something that most adults do.

Maybe she’ll remember the year she changed my Netflix icon and what happened after.

If This Stirred Something in You…

One of the most helpful questions I asked myself, without any judgment, was:

“Is how I drink in alignment with the kind of woman, mother, partner or friend I want to be?”

Not from shame. From care. From love.

We don’t talk enough about how alcohol affects women in midlife - physically, emotionally or mentally. If any of this landed with you, maybe take a moment over the next few days to check in with yourself.

Not to fix. Just to notice.